Monday, February 13, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
2012
May your year be full of moments where it is impossible to deny how much God delights in you. (Jonathan Acuff)
Friday, December 30, 2011
Dude, Where's Your Bride? by Kevin DeYoung Guys...seriously - just read this.
Dude, Where’s Your Bride? by Kevin DeYoung
As I speak at different venues across the country, one of the recurring questions I get comes from women, young women in particular. Their question usually goes something like this: “What is up with men?”
These aren’t angry women. Their question is more plaintive than petulant. I’m not quite sure why they ask me. Maybe because they’ve read Just Do Something and figure I’ll be a sympathetic ear. Or maybe they think I can help. They often follow up their initial question by exhorting me, “Please speak to the men in our generation and tell them to be men.”
They’re talking about marriage. I have met scores of godly young women nearby and far away who wonder “Where have all the marriageable men gone?” More and more commentators–Christian or otherwise–are noticing a trend in young men; namely, that they don’t seem to be growing up. Recently, William Bennett’s CNN article “Why Men Are in Trouble” has garnered widespread attention. The point of the post is summarized in the final line: “It’s time for men to man up.” Sounds almost biblical (1 Corinthians 16:13).
Virtually every single single person I know wants to be married. And yet, it is taking couples longer and longer to get around to marriage. Education patterns have something to do with it. A bad economy doesn’t help either. But there is something even more befuddling going on. Go to almost any church and you’ll meet mature, intelligent, attractive Christian women who want to get married and virtually no men to pursue them. These women are often in graduate programs and may have started a career already. But they aren’t feminists. They are eager to embrace the roles of wife and mother. Most of the women I’ve met don’t object to the being a helpmate. There just doesn’t seem to be a lot of mates to go around.
What’s going on here? Why are there so many unmarried, college graduated, serious-about-Christ, committed-to-the-church, put-together young women who haven’t found a groom, and don’t see any possibilities on the horizon?
Maybe women have impossible standards. That is a distinct possibility in some circumstances. I’m sure there are guys reading this thinking to themselves, “I’ve pursued these young women, Kevin! And they pushed me over the edge of the horizon.” Some women may be expecting too much from Mr. Right. But in my experience this is not the main problem. Impossible standards? Not usually. Some standards? Absolutely.
On the other end of the spectrum, some women may be so over-eager to be married they make guys nervous about showing any signs of interest. There is a fine line between anticipation and desperation. Men don’t want to spot the girl they like inside David’s Bridal after their first date. The guy will panic–and be a little creeped out.
This path of prolonged singleness is a two way street. But I think the problem largely resides with men. Or at least as a guy I can identify the problems of men more quickly. I see two issues.
First, the Christian men that are “good guys” could use a little–what’s the word I’m looking for–ambition. Every pastor has railed on video games at some point. But the problem is not really video games, it’s what gaming can (but doesn’t always) represent. It’s the picture of a 20something or 30something guy who doesn’t seem to want anything out of life. He may or may not have a job. He may or may not live with his parents. Those things are sometimes out of our control. There’s a difference between a down-on-his-luck fella charging hard to make something out of himself and a guy who seems content to watch movies, make enough to eat frozen pizzas in a one room apartment, play Madden, watch football 12 hours on Saturday, show up at church for an hour on Sunday and then go home to watch more football.
I don’t think young women are expecting Mr. Right to be a corporate executive with two houses, three cars, and a personality like Dale Carnegie. They just want a guy with some substance. A guy with plans. A guy with some intellectual depth. A guy who can winsomely take initiative and lead a conversation. A guy with consistency. A guy who no longer works at his play and plays with his faith. A guy with a little desire to succeed in life. A guy they can imagine providing for a family, praying with the kids at bedtime, mowing the lawn on Saturday, and being eager to take everyone to church on Sunday. Where are the dudes that will grow into men?
The second issue is that we may simply not have enough men in the church. Maybe the biggest problem isn’t with nice Christian guys who lack ambition, maturity, and commitment. Maybe we have lots of these men in the church, but they’re all married and there aren’t enough of their brethren to go around. I don’t know which is the bigger problem, the lack of good men or the lack of men in general. It’s probably a combination of both. The church needs to train up the guys it has. And by “training” I don’t mean “clean ‘em up, plug ‘em in the singles ministry and start matching them up with a spouse.” I don’t believe most unmarried Christians are looking for a church community full of Yentas. But a church full of godly, involved, respectable, respected, grown up men? That’s a project worth undertaking.
So, what can be done about the growing tribe of unmarried women? Four things come to mind.
Everyone, pray. Pray for a joyful accepting of God’s providential care, believing that godliness with contentment is great gain. If you are single, pray more for the sort of spouse you should be than for the sort of spouse you want. Pray also for the married couples and families in your church. If you are married, pray for the single people in your church, for those never married and those divorced or widowed. All people everywhere, pray for ways to start serving the Lord now, no matter what stage of life you are in or wish you were in.
Women, don’t settle and don’t ever compromise on requiring solid Christian commitment in a husband, but make sure your list of non-negotiables doesn’t effectively exclude everyone outside of Mr. Darcy.
Churches, don’t make church one giant man cave or machismo, but think about whether your church has been unnecessarily emasculated. Do you challenge and exhort? Do you sing songs to Jesus that men can sing with a straight face? Does “fellowship” at your church always focus on activities men don’t typically excel at, like sitting around and talking about how you feel? Does your church specifically target the discipling of men–particularly young men in high school and college? Grab them young and get them growing up in their teens instead of their twenties.
Men, you don’t have to be rich and you don’t have to climb corporate ladders. You don’t have to fix cars and grow a beard. But it’s time to take a little initiative–in the church, with your career, and with women. Stop circling around and start going somewhere. It’s probably a good idea to be more like your grandpa and less like Captain Jack Sparrow. Even less like Peter Pan. Show some godly ambition. Take some risks. Stop looking for play dates and–unless God is calling you to greater service through singleness–start looking for a wife.
As I speak at different venues across the country, one of the recurring questions I get comes from women, young women in particular. Their question usually goes something like this: “What is up with men?”
These aren’t angry women. Their question is more plaintive than petulant. I’m not quite sure why they ask me. Maybe because they’ve read Just Do Something and figure I’ll be a sympathetic ear. Or maybe they think I can help. They often follow up their initial question by exhorting me, “Please speak to the men in our generation and tell them to be men.”
They’re talking about marriage. I have met scores of godly young women nearby and far away who wonder “Where have all the marriageable men gone?” More and more commentators–Christian or otherwise–are noticing a trend in young men; namely, that they don’t seem to be growing up. Recently, William Bennett’s CNN article “Why Men Are in Trouble” has garnered widespread attention. The point of the post is summarized in the final line: “It’s time for men to man up.” Sounds almost biblical (1 Corinthians 16:13).
Virtually every single single person I know wants to be married. And yet, it is taking couples longer and longer to get around to marriage. Education patterns have something to do with it. A bad economy doesn’t help either. But there is something even more befuddling going on. Go to almost any church and you’ll meet mature, intelligent, attractive Christian women who want to get married and virtually no men to pursue them. These women are often in graduate programs and may have started a career already. But they aren’t feminists. They are eager to embrace the roles of wife and mother. Most of the women I’ve met don’t object to the being a helpmate. There just doesn’t seem to be a lot of mates to go around.
What’s going on here? Why are there so many unmarried, college graduated, serious-about-Christ, committed-to-the-church, put-together young women who haven’t found a groom, and don’t see any possibilities on the horizon?
Maybe women have impossible standards. That is a distinct possibility in some circumstances. I’m sure there are guys reading this thinking to themselves, “I’ve pursued these young women, Kevin! And they pushed me over the edge of the horizon.” Some women may be expecting too much from Mr. Right. But in my experience this is not the main problem. Impossible standards? Not usually. Some standards? Absolutely.
On the other end of the spectrum, some women may be so over-eager to be married they make guys nervous about showing any signs of interest. There is a fine line between anticipation and desperation. Men don’t want to spot the girl they like inside David’s Bridal after their first date. The guy will panic–and be a little creeped out.
This path of prolonged singleness is a two way street. But I think the problem largely resides with men. Or at least as a guy I can identify the problems of men more quickly. I see two issues.
First, the Christian men that are “good guys” could use a little–what’s the word I’m looking for–ambition. Every pastor has railed on video games at some point. But the problem is not really video games, it’s what gaming can (but doesn’t always) represent. It’s the picture of a 20something or 30something guy who doesn’t seem to want anything out of life. He may or may not have a job. He may or may not live with his parents. Those things are sometimes out of our control. There’s a difference between a down-on-his-luck fella charging hard to make something out of himself and a guy who seems content to watch movies, make enough to eat frozen pizzas in a one room apartment, play Madden, watch football 12 hours on Saturday, show up at church for an hour on Sunday and then go home to watch more football.
I don’t think young women are expecting Mr. Right to be a corporate executive with two houses, three cars, and a personality like Dale Carnegie. They just want a guy with some substance. A guy with plans. A guy with some intellectual depth. A guy who can winsomely take initiative and lead a conversation. A guy with consistency. A guy who no longer works at his play and plays with his faith. A guy with a little desire to succeed in life. A guy they can imagine providing for a family, praying with the kids at bedtime, mowing the lawn on Saturday, and being eager to take everyone to church on Sunday. Where are the dudes that will grow into men?
The second issue is that we may simply not have enough men in the church. Maybe the biggest problem isn’t with nice Christian guys who lack ambition, maturity, and commitment. Maybe we have lots of these men in the church, but they’re all married and there aren’t enough of their brethren to go around. I don’t know which is the bigger problem, the lack of good men or the lack of men in general. It’s probably a combination of both. The church needs to train up the guys it has. And by “training” I don’t mean “clean ‘em up, plug ‘em in the singles ministry and start matching them up with a spouse.” I don’t believe most unmarried Christians are looking for a church community full of Yentas. But a church full of godly, involved, respectable, respected, grown up men? That’s a project worth undertaking.
So, what can be done about the growing tribe of unmarried women? Four things come to mind.
Everyone, pray. Pray for a joyful accepting of God’s providential care, believing that godliness with contentment is great gain. If you are single, pray more for the sort of spouse you should be than for the sort of spouse you want. Pray also for the married couples and families in your church. If you are married, pray for the single people in your church, for those never married and those divorced or widowed. All people everywhere, pray for ways to start serving the Lord now, no matter what stage of life you are in or wish you were in.
Women, don’t settle and don’t ever compromise on requiring solid Christian commitment in a husband, but make sure your list of non-negotiables doesn’t effectively exclude everyone outside of Mr. Darcy.
Churches, don’t make church one giant man cave or machismo, but think about whether your church has been unnecessarily emasculated. Do you challenge and exhort? Do you sing songs to Jesus that men can sing with a straight face? Does “fellowship” at your church always focus on activities men don’t typically excel at, like sitting around and talking about how you feel? Does your church specifically target the discipling of men–particularly young men in high school and college? Grab them young and get them growing up in their teens instead of their twenties.
Men, you don’t have to be rich and you don’t have to climb corporate ladders. You don’t have to fix cars and grow a beard. But it’s time to take a little initiative–in the church, with your career, and with women. Stop circling around and start going somewhere. It’s probably a good idea to be more like your grandpa and less like Captain Jack Sparrow. Even less like Peter Pan. Show some godly ambition. Take some risks. Stop looking for play dates and–unless God is calling you to greater service through singleness–start looking for a wife.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Favourites from Twitter
darrinpatrick Darrin Patrick “Pharisees are critical; Disciples are inquisitive.” @Jonathan_Dodson
aaronrgillespie aaron gillespie
When it feels like you can't. You can, because he did
TheMikeEllis Mike Ellis
Shane Claiborne: Grace dulls even the sharpest sword.
billjohnsonBJM Bill Johnson
You have authority over any storm you can sleep in.
louiegiglio Louie Giglio
RT @bobgoff: Don't settle for doing what you're able to do; figure out what you were made to do and then do lots of that.
nickygumbel Nicky Gumbel
‘Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power’ Abraham Lincoln
BurkParsons Burk Parsons
RT @jrvassar: God took an eternity of what I deserve, bound it up into a moment and unleashed it on Jesus; eternal wrath in concentrate.
CSLewisDaily C. S. Lewis
Tho I'm 39 years old as a man, I'm only 12 as a Christian, so if you find some time, mention me in your prayers-CSLewis
MaxLucado Max Lucado
Others measure your waist size or wallet. God examines hearts. When he finds 1 set on him, he calls it and claims it.
jonacuff Jon Acuff
"If anyone asks I have regrets in my career as a basketball player, I have one, I wish I was a better father" Dennis Rodman
DarleneZschech Darlene Zschech
Woke up SO expectant for all that the Lord is doing across the earth TODAY. So, let's lean in with hungry hearts, expect the miraculous x D
BurkParsons Burk Parsons
Christian, draw near to God and he will draw near to you (James 4).
louiegiglio Louie Giglio
God's love was not won by our performance, but His. The pressure's off, so why not attempt something great for Him today!
chrisseidman Chris Seidman
One of the biggest challenges in life/ministry is to live FROM the blessing of God instead of living FOR the blessing of others.
TheMikeEllis Mike Ellis
RT @artiedavis: So thankful God's love for me is higher than the heavens. Even when I feel like crap!
darrinpatrick Darrin Patrick
One reason why the church has little influence over the world is because the world has much influence over it. Spurgeon
JohnPiper John Piper
After praying all night to be utterly in tune with the Father, Jesus chose Judas to be one of the twelve. Luke 6:12-16
loyisomusic Loyiso Bala
"If God be your partner, you better make your plans BIG"
michaelchatman Michael Chatman
When I was younger, I used to admire wealthy people; now that I'm wiser, I admire kind people.
louiegiglio Louie Giglio
A miracle happens every time we pray. One of us, talking to the God of the Universe, is the greatest miracle of all.
AdrianWrightSA Adrian Wright
The issue of faith is not so much whether we believe in God, but whether we believe the God we believe in - R. C. Sproul
jonacuff Jon Acuff
I’m trying to send my 2 daughters into the world so full of love that when culture tries to spill them, they will not empty
JohnPiper John Piper
No one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him. (Mat 11:27) Now we know whom to ask.
JohnPiper John Piper
God disapproves of the moral nature of many things he plans to happen, like the crucifixion of his Son (Acts 4:27).
JohnPiper John Piper
“Full of the Holy Spirit, he gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God” (Acts 7:55). This is why I want the Holy Spirit.
joeyrasdien Yusuf Rasdien
Why are people from war torn countries so calm and people from big cities so impatient?
PJ_Smyth PJ Smyth
We don’t need a meeting of Really Nice Guys; we need a gathering of Really Dangerous Men.
marklstevens Mark Stevens
"What would you do if you had NO fear???!!! Whatever your answer is... That's what fear is robbing you from." TD Jakes
Jeremy Camp
RT @PaulTripp: You don't just believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you daily and specifically live out of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Craig Bosman
Just heard this: Don't take things too seriously. Don't take things personally. Don't take things.
Nathan Lawrence
Lady Gaga's 'Born This Way' album was banned in Lebanon. This has to be the first time I wished I lived in a Middle Eastern country.
Jonathan Acuff
God's heart for redeeming your failures is relentless. Tonight may you see your mistakes through his eyes, not your own.
Chris Quilala
Night everyone, I pray you dream of heaven and wake up filled with His presence :)
Quilala
Simply ask God for an encounter with Him – He is faithful.
DarleneZschech Darlene Zschech
Sweet sleep all.. Tomorrow holds more wonder.. X D
Godly Men
Godly men stick up for people, not make fun of them.
Godly men honor women, not belittle them.
Godly men love their gay and lesbian neighbors, not ridicule them.
Godly men celebrate femininity, not trash it.
Godly men own their sexuality, not flaunt it.
Godly men pursue peace, not dismiss it.
Godly men rise above violence, not glorify it.
Godly men build up the Church, not embarrass it.
Godly men imitate Christ—who praised the gentle and the peacemakers, who stood up for the exploited and abused, who showed compassion for the downtrodden, who valued women, and who loved his enemies to the point of death.
(I wish I could remember who wrote this!)
Kirk Franklin Quote
"When we're in our car we flip radio stations if we don't like what we hear. Life doesn't work like that...we have to learn how to stick through bad situations until our favorite "song" comes on. Don't give up. Better days are coming right after this..." Kirk Franklin
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Realities of Psalm 23
I posted this 3 posts below. I then wrote a note on it in Facebook, and thought I would share it here too!
From a post on my blog (page = http://kezfaller.blogspot.com/2011/10/everyone-of-us-needs-at-least-one-thing.html)
I realised that things seem to have some order. Weird!! But, again...I have had a bit too much sleep today to make much sense! Here goes:
Relationship (The Lord is my Shepherd) - Tuesday...went to cell group - always a reminder that we are in a spiritual battle. The answer seems easy - focus on God and on his word. So why is it always so hard to follow through on? Still know that we are the Lord's joy :)
Provision (I shall not want) - Wednesday...spending time with friends, at work, with family and knowing I have all I need, and that all I need is a gift :)
Rest (He makes me to lie down in green pastures) - Today...woke up feeling EXHAUSTED - as if I hadn't slept in weeks! Been sick over the last week, but been carrying on as I haven't been 'feeling' sick. Nose is all stuffy today - bleh! Realised that excuses, paranoia and assumptions dont help, so just trying to 'rest'. Feel so guilty missing work :( but so encouraged with all the messages from my friends :)
Rejuvenate (He leads me beside the still waters) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me feel like this tomorrow!!!! Going to see doc. Really need to learn to stop over doing things!!! Need to learn to say no!
Healing (He restores my soul) - My soul affects my body...so I'm happy with restoration of my soul! :)
Guidance with Counsellor (He leads me in the paths of righteousness) - Shouldn't only be because it's a Sunday...but guidance is discipline, and church is always a good reminder of this!
Purpose in Life (For His name sake) - Excited and scared!!
Tribulations and Testing (Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death) - ...it's only a shadow... (wow)
Protection (I will fear no evil) - WOW!
Faithfulness and fully present (For Thou art with me) - If this is something we could all know - there would be no fear.
Discipline (Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me) - Eish - more discipline!
Hope and Reward (Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of mine enemies) - God has some incredible promises! :)
Sanctification (He anoints my head with oil) - Another promise!
Abundance (My cup runs over) - Another promise!
Blessing and Recognition (Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life) - Another promise!
Security (And I will dwell in the house of the Lord) - Another promise!
Eternity (Forever) - Another promise! KAPOW!!!!
Amen :)
Psalms 23
From a post on my blog (page = http://kezfaller.blogspot.com/2011/10/everyone-of-us-needs-at-least-one-thing.html)
I realised that things seem to have some order. Weird!! But, again...I have had a bit too much sleep today to make much sense! Here goes:
Relationship (The Lord is my Shepherd) - Tuesday...went to cell group - always a reminder that we are in a spiritual battle. The answer seems easy - focus on God and on his word. So why is it always so hard to follow through on? Still know that we are the Lord's joy :)
Provision (I shall not want) - Wednesday...spending time with friends, at work, with family and knowing I have all I need, and that all I need is a gift :)
Rest (He makes me to lie down in green pastures) - Today...woke up feeling EXHAUSTED - as if I hadn't slept in weeks! Been sick over the last week, but been carrying on as I haven't been 'feeling' sick. Nose is all stuffy today - bleh! Realised that excuses, paranoia and assumptions dont help, so just trying to 'rest'. Feel so guilty missing work :( but so encouraged with all the messages from my friends :)
Rejuvenate (He leads me beside the still waters) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me feel like this tomorrow!!!! Going to see doc. Really need to learn to stop over doing things!!! Need to learn to say no!
Healing (He restores my soul) - My soul affects my body...so I'm happy with restoration of my soul! :)
Guidance with Counsellor (He leads me in the paths of righteousness) - Shouldn't only be because it's a Sunday...but guidance is discipline, and church is always a good reminder of this!
Purpose in Life (For His name sake) - Excited and scared!!
Tribulations and Testing (Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death) - ...it's only a shadow... (wow)
Protection (I will fear no evil) - WOW!
Faithfulness and fully present (For Thou art with me) - If this is something we could all know - there would be no fear.
Discipline (Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me) - Eish - more discipline!
Hope and Reward (Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of mine enemies) - God has some incredible promises! :)
Sanctification (He anoints my head with oil) - Another promise!
Abundance (My cup runs over) - Another promise!
Blessing and Recognition (Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life) - Another promise!
Security (And I will dwell in the house of the Lord) - Another promise!
Eternity (Forever) - Another promise! KAPOW!!!!
Amen :)
Psalms 23
Everyone of us needs at least ONE thing off this list:
What do you need today?
Relationship (The Lord is my Shepherd)
Provision (I shall not want)
Rest (He makes me to lie down in green pastures)
Rejuvenate(He leads me beside the still waters)
Healing (He restores my soul)
Guidance with Counsellor (He leads me in the paths of righteousness)
Purpose in Life (For His name sake)
Tribulations and Testing (Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death)
Protection (I will fear no evil)
Faithfulness and fully present (For Thou art with me)
Discipline (Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me)
Hope and Reward (Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of mine enemies)
Sanctification (He anoints my head with oil)
Abundance (My cup runs over)
Blessing and Recognition (Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life)
Security (And I will dwell in the house of the Lord)
Eternity (Forever)
Psalms 23
Relationship (The Lord is my Shepherd)
Provision (I shall not want)
Rest (He makes me to lie down in green pastures)
Rejuvenate(He leads me beside the still waters)
Healing (He restores my soul)
Guidance with Counsellor (He leads me in the paths of righteousness)
Purpose in Life (For His name sake)
Tribulations and Testing (Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death)
Protection (I will fear no evil)
Faithfulness and fully present (For Thou art with me)
Discipline (Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me)
Hope and Reward (Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of mine enemies)
Sanctification (He anoints my head with oil)
Abundance (My cup runs over)
Blessing and Recognition (Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life)
Security (And I will dwell in the house of the Lord)
Eternity (Forever)
Psalms 23
Sunday, October 16, 2011
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